As many of you all know I was able to apply and get a B1/B2 VISA and on January 17th I took a plane to visit my hometown in Georgia after years.
As I was in the plane I tried to understand and reflect on why I was here and what I wanted to get from this experience .
Ever since I left the United States in 2008 and as the years went by I started to question myself more and more about my identity and if I was DE AQUI Y DE ALLA or NI DE AQUI NI DE ALLA, what was it going to feel to be back after almost 8 years, would the town be the same, would I see my same high school, would I see my friends again, would I feel awkward seeing my friends children whom I had seen as babies and now they were big kids.
There were a million questions crossing my mind during that flight. As soon as I arrived, got my baggage and saw my brother, it was a great moment.
One of the most exciting moments was when I got to my brother’s house and met my beautiful 6 year old niece Marleny and carried my 12 day baby nephew Uriel.
Becoming an aunt for the first time is something really hard to explain, it is like there is not a way to describe it until your holding that little fragile bundle in your arms, when I see his little eyes opened and just looking at me and having him in my chest is the most beautiful experience. I get to understand the true meaning of love, I see his little eyes and just know I would give my life for them. My little niece is the sweetest little girl, sleeping while we hug each other, praying with her, playing Barbie, watching cartoons and listening how she talks with God are moments I wouldn’t change for nothing. Getting kisses from her are just moments I will always cherish in my heart.
Meeting my sister in law’s family was incredible, her parents, sisters, nephews and niece, friends and cousins are nice and fun people to be around with, I feel happy that my brother is surrounded by nice people and that he has a loving wife and beautiful family. I really appreciate everyone for their hospitality.
During my trip I also got the opportunity to visit my high school and just walk through the hallways, cafeteria, library, gym all those places where I had spend 4 years of my life. As a saw a table at the cafeteria I could see myself with my friends during lunch and breakfast, as I walked along the gym I could hear those pep rally’s and just see it so clearly as if it was actually occurring.
When I left Dalton in 2008 I made a promise at my church, I promised to God that one day I would walk along that isle and I would kneel and thank him for having me here again. When I left, God was my only hope, I had faith in him and knew that somehow, some where and some day he was going to bring me back and he did. He didn’t let me down, he never does. Thank you Lord
Other great moments were seeing some of my best friends whom for the past 8 years I would only have contact through social medias but this time was going to be different. I really want to appreciate Sharon Buyers, Elizabeth, Zoila, Stephanie, Mariela, Miguel, Iliana, Mrs. Cole, Lindsey, Cristy, Jessica, Stacy, Ruben and lots of friends that took the time to go out to dinners, and just laugh at our stories and update us on each other’s lives.
During this trip I am also going to see a special person in my life that because of circumstances I have had the need to see and talk with him about many things. I really needed to end a chapter and a cycle. I am thankful that I will have the opportunity to do that too.
Going back to the title of this blog page, which “Finding my Identity”, as I am walking along a road that is surrounded by trees I discover that I don’t feel the desire to stay and live here for now, I love to be here because I have a lot of people that I dearly love and when ever I can I will come up and visit but I have to admit that I also miss Mexico, and I got to appreciate the people that love me and I love down there too. I miss its streets, its mobility and I have to say it I miss it a lot and I can’t wait to be back and continue to travel through it and keep getting astonished my it’s beauty.
My identity is not based on a place or on a country, where ever I feel loved and where ever there are people I love that is where home and where my identity is at.
I couldn’t have understood this if it wasn’t to my mobility privilege, and this is why I am more committed to support Dreamers in Mexico to be able to one day cross that border and experience liberty.
” Every Dreamer ( any person who has migrated to another country ) is like a bird who for years has been flying in another country and suddenly it is trapped and taken to another place, being put in a cage, in exile, away from it’s family and they need and deserve to be set free and in their other country with their loved once ”
I want that exile to end and I feel a big impotence to not be able to do more for my friends who need to be home NOW and whom have already missed out on a lot. They deserve to be there now and I can’t seem to be of any help. I even feel like I have been losing their friendship or love because I can’t be of any support and that hurts me a lot but I also try hard to pray and understand a tiny part of their pain.
I am getting ready to leave in about 40 hours and I am already sad, I have to leave my babies and that will be heartbreaking although I know I will see again soon and stay in touch.
This has been a lot of what I have experienced in my trip back HOME.
Lots of Love