Even The Moon had a foggy night today

This night la Luna is surrounded with fog, just like I am right now.

I find myself  sitting down on the sidewalk of the entrance to my house, with a Margarita, a Los Otros Dreamers Book, my laptop, a foggy mind and I tired heart.

Ever since I stepped American soil again in October of last year, my commitment towered  Los Otros Dreamers movement became stronger. I was able to understand the importance of being able to return to the place we knew as our home, to the place that we had left with tears, to the place that expelled us. Our family was left behind, some didn’t even have the opportunity to say goodbye, to pack a luggage, some of them that day was a nightmare that took them to another country in the middle of no where and alone.

It doesn’t matter that I have a VISA now, I am still an Otro Dreamer, I still feel that pain in me, I still get pissed of when they ignore us, treat us in an unhuman way. I will always be an Otro Dreamer because I have it tattooed in my soul and heart. When ever I hear a new story of an Otro Dreamer it still makes me cry and hurts that I am not able to do anything.

I even feel I am doing things the wrong way, I feel like instead of trying to support and understand I am just messing up and letting people down.

I don’t even know if we will ever stop being invisible between two countries that just do not seem to have any interest in this population of returnees and deportees.

My experience returning home in January after almost eight years was to hear some of my best friends and even family giving me condolences because I was coming back to Mexico.

I then attend to a conference where ladies from the US Embassy in Mexico talk about how they feel responsible about a certain population of young people in Mexico, and the importance of inclusion, human rights and the fact The United States and Mexico need to share responsibilities and create an exchange program so that some members of this population can go to the US and be at a University and have a great experience. They talk about the importance of having reinsertion programs in Mexico, like Spanish courses etc. The even mention they have a project to build a resource center for this population in Puebla and how the civil society is a priority for them. They share pictures of how happy this group is to be able to be in the US and how they return with a high self esteem, with a lot of strength. Over all they really talked about how this program has contributed to this population and the success it is having…..and then I am sitting in the second row, first chair, exactly in front of the speakers in that small room, with like no more then 12 people and I applaud and congratulate the presentation and then raise my hand and tell them “I am a returned Dreamer, I represent many young returnees and deportees, that grew up in the US and are now starting again in Mexico, my question is Has it ever crossed your mind to implement these kind of programs with Otros Dreamers in Mexico?

Can you try and guess what the answer of the two ladies from the US Embassy was? Well let me tell you that they stood for a couple minutes in complete silence, making these weird faces, and not getting any words connected from their minds to their mouths, after those two minutes or seconds they say it is something really sensitive, off their limits and because of the situation in their country with the context of migration it could not be something that could happen. Then as soon as the conference ended and before I could get from that front chair to the podium these ladies left the room.

I mean how they dare talk about inclusion, human rights, responsibilities and they even say that seeing the faces of these students when they arrived to the university campus was something that touched their hearts, well let me tell you how impacting and touching would be for Viridiana to see her sisters and hug her best friend, let me tell you how impacting it would be for Azul, Nancy, Valeria, Edgar, Luis, Sybil, Chris, Freddie Edith, and the millions of Otros Dreamers to be able to be in their homes, to hug their parents, their children, their friends and be standing in the places where they grew up. I mean it is ridicules  all the things these people stood up and said about another population but they just cant see that Los Otros Dreamers deserve the same right and to be able to go back home and decide where we want to be at. We, Los Otros Dreamers are also humans and deserve to have those human rights, that inclusion and The US and Mexico both have responsibility from the moment our parents had to leave Mexico to give us a better life because Mexico couldn’t do it and from the moment they arrived to the US, to work for cheap labor, pay income taxes and contribute to the economy, at that moment they also have responsibility for not wanting to fix this broken immigration system that they are only taking advantage of.

I realize I still do not fit in with my co workers and with the people I interact here in San Luis Potosi, I worry about college, about reading, about activism, about traveling and fighting for my rights to be binational and the rest of the people are thinking about parties, drinking, not caring about having an education, asking me why I don’t talk about my boyfriends at work. I mean the truth is I do not fit in, I do not think their jokes are funny neither their slangs and idiom expressions but I also feel hate towards the United States government and feel invisible to the Dreamer movement in the US and even with my friends over there…

I don’t feel that AMERICAN or MEXICAN pride..

I do have to admit how privileged I am of having so much support from angels that are in this lucha, specially one that is always a video call away. I have to recognize that being in this foggy night  out with La Luna has helped me externalize all my feelings. La Luna whispers to me that tomorrow night she will come out like she always does with a shining light that surrounds her in the middle of the darkness.