It’s bed time already and I am putting on paper (or should I say on my blog) the conclusion of this chapter of my process or should say my Journey as I used to refer to my life when I was still back home. I am here at a friend’s house whom I deeply love and just continue to learn from her (Jill) in bed trying to fit my thoughts as if they were part of a puzzle.
Tomorrow is the day I had been waiting for exactly 7 years 2 months 23 days and 2 hours which is the exact time I crossed the borderline .
For many people this might not mean anything or must think I am exaggerating or victimizing myself ( well guess what that is your opinion, which I respect but don’t agree). No one lives the same process, the same environment, the same story but that doesn’t mean a story is less painful or less meaningful it is just unique and with their own struggles.
For me crossing the border felt like leaving my life,my identity, my family, my friends, my dreams. It felt like I was giving up more then what I was going to get out of this decision. Then after the days, the months and even the years would shout in my face that just like I had predicted I was really regretting my involuntary decision.
I have constantly been finding myself daydreaming with how is it going to be when I cross the borderline the opposite direction ? How is it going to feel to see my family, my friends, my places ? How will I feel ? Who will I be? Will I figure out my idenity ?
Well I still have no clue of what answers will I get but meanwhile in 10 hours and 45 minutes I will be confronting a US Embassy agent who without knowing anything about me has already determined whether I will or will not know the answers to these daydreaming questions this same month. (Goosebumps)
I am prepared for “You have been approved” or a “You have been denied” although I must say I am so praying and so aiming for the approval answer. It has been really hard to get to this point but either answer will commit me more and impulse me to keep growing in this Journey. So I am going for an approval respond which is what my heart truly wants to hear.